My past few days

So this week was full of ups and downs and i tried my best to get off the rollercoaster ride.

One thing im worried about is that HE will read my blog cause i told him once that i hav a blog that i invest a lot of time in and that i told him that i like my blog cause its very honest. Im scared he'll find the true link of my blog and read what my honest opinions are and i know that if i write about someone particular in my blog, its not going to be such a sweet post. Before i rant out all the murderous thoughts i had in my mind, i'll be the angel and frankly say that i dont want him to get hurt, i dont intend for him to get hurt and that i hope he doesnt get hurt. 

So as you all know, or maybe not, im going to Paris and London for my december holidays.

The original plan is to leave spore on the 21st and leave Paris on the 28st and reach Spore on the 31st of dec 2011 which meant that its new years eve. Settled, laid back, and to me, a fine plan. I had no problems. 

Ok before this continues...lets give HIM a name. Jason?

So jason is supposedly this god brother of mine of which i still dont treat him so much so like a real brother cause to me i only hav one real brother. He was really nice like rlly nice but then he was like present for every single family function and he was in a family photo once so that just pisses me off cause he's not related to me so back off am i right

So then jason being the ironically childish 23 yr old that he is, has a skill for brainwashing us or wtv so he somewhat convinced my mum that we shud celebrate new yrs' in paris and watch the fireworks which he claims is really breathtaking from the eiffel tower.

So yeah its a great plan but its not so great when
a) You hav sch that starts on the 2nd or 3rd
b) When my sister already made plans with her frens to celebrate new yrs
c) I want to celebrate in my damn hometown cos its TRADITION
d) MY BRO IS IN NS. HE IS STUCK IN TEKONG AND IT'LL BE MEAN TO JUST LEAVE HIM HERE. AND I LOVE MY BRO WITH MY HEART AND SOUL AND IM NOT A SOUL-LESS PERSON I CARE ABOUT HIS FEELINGS AND I WANT TO SPEND MY NEW YEARS WITH HIM IN SINGAPORE WHERE EVERYTHING IS SUPPOSEDLY CLEAN AND GREEN AND THE AIR IS NO LONGER THAT FRESH. YA OKAY. I WANT TO CELEBRATE IT W MY BRO

So then my sis asked my mum on a fine day regarding the trip and she asked "WAIT IS JASON CMG"
And my mum was like confused and blurr for a moment but i can totally see thru my mum's inner thoughts cos i was inside her womb so obv there's some connection so...i knew the answer but i was hoping it'll turn otherwise. SO my mum said "Ya then what, leave him here in singapore?"

AND I WAS LIKE "WHAT"
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT
WHAT

WHAT


So i got in total rage all up inside me with my blood boiling but i was not rude to my mum. I just told her a shitload of stuff that was pretty hurtful i gotta admit. But what dyou do when you hav bottled up all ure feelings and u want to be heard but thn you're waiting for an opp to let it all out? Obv im seizing the opp right.

So this is what i said:

1. I dont want him to come
2. He's not real family
3. I want to celebrate w my family and i mean family of flesh and blood 
4. Family was never the same again ever since he came in th picture
5. I dont want him to come
6. Its awkward to hav him tag along for every single shit 
7. I wont be myself if he's arnd
8. I dont want him to come 

So thn my mum scolded me saying that i turned rebellious, mean towards him and she doesnt know what has happened to me. Since whn has voicing out my opinions make me a rebel? So shud i just shut up for th rest of my life thn since my thoughts hurt everyone's feelings and i need to make all of them happy? CRAP 

And thn my 2nd sis came and coincidentally her attitude has been all crappy so my eldest sis and mum diverted their attention away fom me to knock some sense into her. Of which was just bad. Everyone was talking back and getting pissed off and my sis got angry at me cos i didnt admit something and so everything just sucked. Sis left the room and then there were 3. 

So my eldest sis shouted at me calling me TWO FACED

My mum, obv bitter about me refusing to accept jason to come called me SCAREDEY CAT

And thn there was HYPOCRITE

and COWARD

So you tell me now if that does not make you feel so bloody low, so drowned so suffocated enough to not cry then i salute you 2000ways possible cos you're one strong person. I just wanted to cry like there was no tmr left and i just wanted to call my best friends up cos i felt like shit. But i stared at my phone and just silently teared, and then i tried my best putting up with this fight, showing a front to say that im not crying, im not affected by it but i went down to the living room where my 2nd sis was and there i was crying in front of her and then i retreated to my balcony sobbing so bad i couldnt breathe.

So there i was defeated. 

2 of the ppl you luv so much inflict comments like that upon you.

Its just smtg i dont want to go through again. You dont know how bad i felt yst so dont try to judge me. 

Ive gone thru more shit than you guys can ever imagine.