Its too tough

The purpose of blogging is ACTUALLY to express your feelings and just update it about basically anything you want. and all the posts i hav written for the past yrs, including my past blog which has held around..more than 300 posts, i would honestly say that even that vast amount of update, i dont think i hav expressed my thoughts as clearly as i can. not only that, i cant' express everything i want here.

i do know how to express them. i really do.

but the fact that i know it would hurt people in many ways just saddens me. in fact, it questions me whether having this blog is helping me or not. its not like some private diary that i can just scribble every single piece of thoughts that i hav in my mind. all these thoughts are not sugar coated, they're not sweet and dandy as many might think.

& i still question myself whether i should make this blog private cause i hav too much ramblings and bitch thoughts in my mind that i just hav to type down cause im certain that that will definitely make me feel better, even if its just one percent.

you guys hav no idea how tough it is for me to keep this blog going. i hav so many drafts that i've written but never never published cause of my timid courage that apparently just speaks of cowardice.

if a blog is to express my inner most feelings, then i dont think i call this a blog.

its just able to give me minimum satisfaction for at most,......only a few hours.