Dearest mummy

It's times and moments like these, that make me reminisce the times, especially this year before it officially ends.

It's 130am as I type this, clearly overwhelmed with a bunch of emotions that im afraid, can't be ignored.

Honestly I feel like crying.

No, not because of the wonderful moments that 2012 has casted upon me. Certainly not the best of friends that has got me feeling emotional.

Its my mum.

This year, I haven't been so great to my mum. Of course, I'm still sweet to her, still devoted to her, still love her but this year I thought of things I regret so much thinking.

There were times I was embarrassed of her, annoyed by her because she was really soooo blurr, mad at her because she is extremely forgetful, disappointed at her at times for being too unreasonable, sad because she sometimes wasn't there for me and just really genuinely very frustrated with her because of the generation clash which was just really freaking stupid and unnecessary because between a mother and her daughter, nothing- I repeat nothing- can divide the bond that we naturally have. And for me to blame on this generation gap is clearly absurd because I know deep down inside, it's not the generation gap that momentarily scalded our relationship but it is in fact the selfish, obnoxious and conceited human being that is me.

I think about my dear friend when I start to circle around these frustrated burst of opinions regarding my mum because he is kind of the reason why I want to change. He lost his mum unfortunately and as I think about that, and dwell on the possibility that that can happen to me, i start to panic and I start to worry. I'm thankful for him because his perseverance and good guidance that he has instilled in himself makes me desperately want to appreciate the closest person to me - and that is of course my mum.

I start to remind myself that a mother, my mother to be exact, is the most beautiful and the most precious thing in the world. And to part with her, I fear so greatly for being without her, I believe the pressure will get to me. And sooner or later, I will enter to different depths of despair and melancholy. Sooner or later, I will crumble so quickly.

I love my mummy so much. If only she knew how much I love her,

will love her,

will always be with her,

will always think about her,

will always always pray for her.

Because she taught me to be a great person, to be someone who loves God and to be someone whom she can trust and call 'child'.

I love my mummy so much because we are exactly like 2 peas in a pod, but definitely more alike.

I regret so hard into ever thinking about such rude thoughts about her. Cause now I'm thinking, what would I do without her? Ask yourself that too because there's nothing out there that can replicate the stunning being that let you in this world, to replicate the most amazing thing that is your mother.

Please treasure your mum, guys. She's the best blessing and the best form of support and kindness you'll ever receive in your life :)

I love my mummy so much. So so so SO much. And I'm glad to know, that she loves me just as much too.

What i've been up to

Behold the sweater weather month! This December has been more chilly than the previous Decembers that i can actually remember.

Got hooked into the new drama called "School 2013" which i recommend to all my friends! Its really good and the cast is ~loovely~ The drama is still airing so the latest episode is actually episode 7 but there are 2 new episodes every week so stay tuned if you're interested like me!

I swear this show beats all the other dramas that were released this year! Almost every other drama that i watched this year got me rolling my eyes and stopping halfway with no intention at all to continue and/or got me uninterested and just bored.

Sincerest apologies for kind of force feeding you guys some korean shit because im really the type of person who likes it when people appreciate my personal taste for shows cause it shows that i have good taste in them! And honestly i think i have great taste in the media world. 

Movies aside, 

i watched Yam baked for her colleagues and played monopoly deal with her which damaged my self-esteem and confidence cause she easily destroyed me 6 times in a row. 

Went ikea with nas and sara and had an impromptu sleepover at Nas's place! Like good ol' times! :) & being the awesome friend that i am, i helped her stud her new denim vest which was really a pain in the ass because it was tidious as !#&^%#!?

Here's a selca for the people who miss my face!! :DDDDD 

With a shameless instagram border that i refuse to crop out. Blame the lazy genes! 

Look at them cina eyes

A song to share

Turn on the captions to understand the lyrics, the volume and enjoy!

Even if kpop aint your cup of tea, i swear you'll love this song.

Let me drill it in your brain

Before i begin, let me just say that i drafted this post a month ago. The reason why i didnt bother to put it up was because i thought of the repercussions - how people might feel about this.

But then NOW, i too dont bother what people might think about it because honestly, if you want to lash me out, you should probably think twice because i have more evidence and proof justifying my point of view than the number of neurons in your brain.

So here goes.

This post, surprise surprise is talking about crazy fans.

But specifically to WHOM you say?

Beliebers.

I understand, the gargantuan love you have for your idol is due to the fact that you're possibly
a) high on drugs
b) high on drugs

BECAUSE you are blinded by god knows what he presents to the table.

Is it his looks that you guys fawn over that makes you shit from your mouth?
Is it his overrated dance skills that possesses all the beliebers minds into thinking that he's as great as Michael Jackson?
Is it his mediocre, unspectacular, ordinary, voice that lulls you to your most 'amazing' sleep?

Is it his big heart?
Fan service?

Tell me, tell me what. What does he posess, what kind of demonic seduction is he doing to lure you guys in? What is so freaking astonishing about his way of life, his input on life, his morals?

WHAT IS SO BREATHTAKING, SO SURREAL, SO AMAZING ABOUT HIM THAT MAKES YOU GUYS PRIORITIZE HIM OVER THE INNOCENT CHILDREN THATS BEING SHOT TO DEATH?

-got this picture from cayyum's twitter-

The saying put yourself in their (loved ones) shoes has never fit so snuggly in this context before. Try to process this in your head, and think ever so freaking DEEPLY how would YOU feel if you were the child who died, or if you were the parent who lost their most beloved child.

You all are ridiculous and so so insane. Never in my years of life have i ever encountered such careless thinking. All this....all THIS just to see your idol on the Ellen show?

Sometimes its quite pitiful. If you look at it from my perspective, its quite depressing how you guys dont even have the brain juice to think that OH MAYBE, MAYBE I CAN WATCH THIS SHOW RECORDED ON YOUTUBE.

AND MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I CAN RAPE THE DAMN PLAY BUTTON AND FAWN OVER HIS 'PERFECTION' TOO.

OMG you finally GET IT RIGHT? Would you like me to clap for you?

Cant you hold your horses and wait for the damn news to just be over? Cant you just spare a thought for others instead of your beloved bieber?

Innocent people are being killed. Even if you dont give a shit, sometimes you just have to act like you are willing to give a shit. Sure it might be as pretentious as hell but its better than being judged for ignorance and being nonchalant. The last thing you guys would want is probably to be criticized for being inhumane regarding your words right? Have you heard of the term, harsh?

If you're smart enough, this post isnt about justin bieber. Its for all the beliebers out there who have gone berserk while being overly smitten with the one they idolize, for all the beliebers who need to calm their shit down and not give one stranger who despises Justin Bieber a 160 characters raging life lesson tweet, and for all the beliebers out there who need a freaking counselor, a freaking reality check.

Most definitely, there's gonna be a lot of disagreeing to this. I get it. I get how probably i might also receive a lil bit of backlash telling me stop generalizing cause not everyone is the same. I get how excruciating it is to be generalized for something you're not responsible for, or in this case, are responsible for.

Mind you.

If the majority acts like shit, i will also not give a shit and just generalize the whole damn fandom because like what they said, like what EVERYONE says:

The majority always wins.

And to generalize you beliebers, i will.

Tumblr

I started tumblr when i was in sec 1 but i regularly updated it during sec 2.

Honestly, im still trying to understand why everyone thinks tumblr is very addictive because i myself cant be able to see whats so damn meaningful/inspirational about the whole website. Sure, it has great photos and it has some really nice quotes/gifs - and basically you can find everything on tumblr and when i say everything, i really mean EVERYTHING which explains WHY i bolded that text.

The thing that i really cant stand about tumblr is freaking stumbling upon freaking inappropriate things as i scroll down the dashboard. It gets so damn annoying because its disturbing and clearly its just damn irrelevant to what im looking for. Its actually quite frequent that i see this nasty things all over my timeline from time to time because some tumblr user that im following probably feels horny and decides to reblog all the R21 things. Despite being disturbed, i wasnt too affected by it.

Though recently, i was scrolling down a bunch of pretty/innocent things like flowers, pearls, good ol' glorious food, when suddenly there's this gif showing a freaking girl's vagina "rubbing"(??? idk how to explain/describe) on some unknown male la and i was just so SCARRED.. like what bastard would actually post that kind of inappropriate shit? Like they think it signifies some deep meaning. That gif was worthy of being restricted for only people above 30. Such 'imagery' as disturbing as that should be categorized under R30, or R-menopause. It freaking traumatized me, disgusted me. It was nasty, shameless and just awful. I literally closed the whole tab i was at because my mind was just blocked and i felt like gagging so bad. I mean is this what rapists do their victims? So freaking hateful

The next thing i usually come across on tumblr is WEED. & sometimes when i go on twitter some of the people i follow also talk about smoking weed or whatnot which gets me quite pissed because they act like weed is a good thing or a cool thing when actually its just not.

Whats so cool about getting high over some green herbs?
Wtf is so attractive about those green herbs that you're swooning over?

Do you know whats attractive? What's good for you? What's harmless to you? Do you know? NO? Ok .... you know those little perky green bushes at the house backyard of homer simpson from simpsons? You dont know? Let me show you.

Ya. The green quite sexy what so why dont u get high over THAT. and its HARMLESS too cause its from a freaking cartoon and they're drawn quite prettily too plus, they give off a healthy shade of green too so why dont you just freaking swoon over something thats physically quite appealing y'know - something worth swooning over? Or something that is understandable to be swooning over instead of some useless harmful herbs that look like they have been deprived of water and in their dying state had to be freaking sent to the dog groomers for a poodle cut.

Name me a plant that is uglier than weed.
Nothing right?

I hate seeing weed all over my tumblr timeline. And its unattractive as ever to hear someone be like "OOH GETTING HIGH ON SOME WEED" , "THIS PARTY NEEDS SOME WEED", "WEED IS WHAT I LIVE FOR" WHAT THE HELL??

Do you know how stupid you look sniffing some herbs? You think you what? Herb-god?

I know it makes you feel high, it has effects similar to drugs and its very pleasing to the senses in whatever way. But is it worth wasting your life away on something that can damage you, something that can kill you?

People these days are so reckless. They drink 5 bottles of beer, take drugs and make themselves cheap. Why is it so hard to convince yourself that you're only given one life? And that once you lose it, you wont ever live again?

Hmm

Something eventful

A few weeks back, my sister talked me into baking with her.

Initially i was so hesitant because i was extremely lazy and i really couldnt be bothered getting my butt off from the sofa to the nearest grocery store to purchase some baking necessities.

Little did i know, my mum was so supportive of this baking thing and so she left money behind for us to buy the ingredients we need so my hopes of not baking were completely dashed because the situation was really too fortunate and it seemed like everything would be going swell HENCE i just couldnt say no.

Im really not a baker, nor am i chef. Im more of a food taster y'know. And i hate decorating food. Its unnecessary unless im at an all-star restaurant.

I asked my sis regarding the betty crocker recipe we were going to use and she just had to burst my bubble by saying that we're going to make the cupcakes from SCRATCH. Which means extra work, extra effort = everything that i'm not.

I really dislike every step of the baking procedure. I guess the only thing i really enjoyed is cracking the egg, tasting the raw cupcake batter before it goes into the oven which honestly tastes freaking glorious with vanilla essence (i hope u guys know what im talking about) . AND i like smelling flour. I hate measuring the bicarbonate soda or wtv - i dont even know whats that for, i loathe melting the butter and mixing it because ever since i was in sec 1 i had this stupid phobia of having my right arm be bigger than my left arm hence i needed to ensure that i get rid of any opportunity capable for me to get cursed with excessive muscles.

I believe, very faithfully that there are people in the world whom have had developed muscles and a bigger arm than their other arm from baking- not to mention from mixing that stupid hard butter.

Anyway the baking experience i had with my sister was quite fun but ugh i really dont want to do it again. If i were to do it again, i just want to do it on a freaking massaging chair.

But on the bright bright side, the cupcakes turned out to be not bad! But i really wouldnt want to participate in such baking activity again because what i learned most from that day was that baking is a hassle and is something i really dont quite enjoy.

They are vanilla flavoured cupcakes topped with a nutella spread and redondo white chocolate and cream sprinkles. and they tasted AWSUM!

I think, i deserve a pat on the back dont you think! A wild snorlax (like me) could never have made it this far.

This holidays suck because no one i know is there

2012 got me experiencing so many different things!! If i could list all the different and new things ive done, the space probably wont be enough.

Coming at #78 of my list of different experiences, this particular experience is one that kind of took a toll on me - it enchanted me into a very pitiful state, a very pathetic state in fact because i finally felt what it was like to be alone.

And as i felt this new feeling, in my mind, i began to filter and process all the people i have turned down when they asked me out. I didnt really bother much about their feelings, how they felt when they got rejected and when they had no friends to hang out with. The feeling really sucks, mind you. I wished i could have felt like this years before so that i could learn to treat people better.

This holidays, i went out a mere 3 times with friends ONLY which was really freaking pathetic. When i was in sec 2, my social life was really at its peak - i went out on every single opportunity i could get, every school Fridays that were open, i went out with my friends. I dressed up like crazy, wore heels everytime, sneaked into movies that were clearly NOT FOR MY AGE, spent a lot of money, ate a lot, took so many pictures, had so many memories.

But now i cant be bothered with dressing up so fancily (just a frock + cardi or jeans would do), never wore heels or wedges anymore so i practically just lived in sandals and ballet flats, never went out on fridays (heck, now i dont even go out on a weekend), could live very very very very very comfortably with just 20 bucks in my wallet because i have awesome willpower when im on my own and i can hold back when i see a SALE sign. I could maximise that 20 dollars for up till 2 days which is really quite miraculous honestly because tell me now, how many of you could do that???? Now i dont have such a monstrous appetite anymore and having a little less than a bowl's worth of rice was really more than enough for me. Never camwhored when out with friends cause we felt like its a bit of a hassle which is somewhat quite quite......true. I find myself going home way earlier than before, and in fact i honestly cant rmb the last time i went home after 8pm.

As you guys read the abovementioned, i hope you're aware how im living my life now. Honestly, its not about the money, its not about self-improvement (ok maybe it is but no not this time), its not about having a lousy appetite, its not about having a lifetime amount of your parents' money to shop for whatever clothes you want but in fact, its really about making yourself happy.

I hope you guys could see me, how i am now. How much i have changed. My previous spirit is malnourished, gone and weak - entered into what i call insanity, heartache and forlorn. I have everything - a lovely family, a wonderful home, great food, great clothes. I have education. Love, security. Comfort.


But as much as i want to be right now, im not very happy :(

A walk to remember

I could never figure out why a walk to remember was so popular among most girls because i remember watching this movie like 3 times before and i couldnt feel anything.

I watched it for the 4th time today, and though i didnt cry again, i think it was damn good.

I fell in love with Landon's stature and i loved how genuine his love was. So amazing.

& the soundtrack brought me back like a thousand memories because i rmb very clearly listening to the songs way back when i was still in primary school but i didnt know the songs came from the movie.

But NOW, now i know.. :)

“So many questions, I need an answer, Two years later you’re still on my mind….. If I can ask God just one question, Why aren’t you here with me tonight?”

Pardon me. Getting a lil' emotional.

Yeah!

Best moments are the simplest.

Like?

Like....not being indecisive. It feels good to make up the mind

mrs bart simpson

YAY OR NAY 

omg jeffrey scott knock-off! the original authentic one costs up to 400 dollars++

this looks so adorable/quirky/totally unique but i cant help not wanting it! i already know what to pair it with, what shoe to wear it with! ohnoo should i succumb

WANTS

Really in the mood to get the following: !!

SHOULD I 

Movie post

For the past few days, its pretty much a no brainer to everyone that i have been immersing myself with many movies.

This post, i will be talking about 3 movies - two, being very famous at the moment, one of which i dont think you guys are quite familiar with?

Last 2 mondays i watched Breaking Dawn part 2 in the theatres with nas! Im a twilight fan girl even though the first movie was a disaster as compared to the book but all in all, i think the movie progressively gets better with the next movie. But i think bd p2 was the best of the lot, really because i think the casting director FINALLY chose some vampires which gives justice to what the book says.

I watched Life of Pi yesterday with my sister, her boyf and her boyf's younger brother at dhoby. Life of Pi got me very sleepy cause i felt like it was a tad bit draggy but the message behind the film is freaking sensational. As i was watching it, i liked the light humour, the great attention to detail and animation (especially the venus flytrap island) and of course the message. It took me a while to get the whole message but then when you get it, it is indeed, pretty remarkable. This week, i hope i get the chance to read the book cause if the film is so spectacularly directed, the book must be freaking phenomenal.

Today, i watched Father of the Bride which was a 1991 film on youtube! I actually have the cd but im too lazy to look into the dvd drawer so i had to resort to youtube instead. I remember when i was like primary 2 or something, my whole family would watch the show in the living room and they would always tear or say awwww and since i was so young and should i say innocent to the real world, i didnt really get what they were talking about. So i watched it, today, at the age of 16 and wow - its so heartwarming. Its super funny too and it got me quite emotional - i seriously almost teared myself but i held it in cause my sis was in the same room as me. But i wanted to cry though!

Im not the type to like watching movies cause i find sitting on the sofa or my bed tiring (weird, i know) but father of the bride really pulled some of my heartstrings, and pretty much thawed my heart cause if you know me truthfully and deeply, you would know my heart is made of cold ice.

There is nothing i can do

My mind is at peace. 

I need to clear this out

Let me just start out by saying how proud and happy i am for exo's victory!

And for all those big bang lovers and yg stanners or whatever, if you dont know, MAMA has a policy that is notorious for not giving an artist its award if he or she does not attend the awards ceremony. Which explains TOTALLY why dbsk didnt win anything (since they didnt win a single award) and that every award went to big bang -_-. And in case you dont know (which obviously most of you all dont know) is that MAMA is YG-biased hence your argument to prove that YG Entertainment is better than all my faves, is invalid. 

Why dont i like big bang?

I loved big bang back in 2006 when they debuted and i was really a huge fan of them. I watched every video, every live performance, everything thats related to them, i've watched. I know every track of their first few albums, listened to them on mp3 and yada yada yada yada.

I know every shit about them so dont come up to me thinking you know more shit about them and you claim you're their number 1 fan when you dont even know their debut song.

I came to dislike them after "haru haru" or "day by day" cause gdragon started looking somewhat malnourished, and also because of the fact that that album was really one of their worst. I still remained loyal to them and i was indeed a v.i.p but then everything came REALLY crashing down when i saw glorious dbsk on tv. And right at that moment as i watched them, i knew exactly WHAT LOVE AND PERFECTION WAS.

With heavy research and much respected loyalty from yours truly, i became a fan of dbsk and it was at this point where big bang just really really went downhill in my eyes and from then on i didnt give a shit about them at all. They then began to lose their hip hop/pop feel which SUCKED SO BAD and then they stared doing freaking techno and club music which i believe was really a waste because all their songs BEFORE were damn good.

Then they started being really proud and they stopped doing fan service. Trust me, i know what im talking about okay! They looked worse and worse as the months go by and they had no freaking class. I felt embarrassed seeing how different they are now from their early months into debut.

Most of you guys dont know what im talking about cause you all probably got into big bang during fantastic baby and high high. Since you dont know what im talking about and since you have already absorbed all the abovementioned, dont try to act like you're a true fan anymore cause everyone, frankly is making me sick.

And im quite meh about how everyone is watching running man. I know im being a total brat about all this but i just really cannot stand it how everyone thinks that they are all know-it-all's now which just, cannot get anymore annoying. I hate it the most, when i say i like song joong ki, and everyone assumes that i know about him because of running man which is freaking preposterous! I knew about him from his second drama which was back in freaking 2008.

I hate how TOP has revolutionized the 'handsome' in men, how hyuna gets a lot of attention (cos i dont think she's all that), how ppl claim that big bang is the king when they havent even heard of dbsk, how everyone fantasizes over 2ne1's bom who looks like a pufferfish, basically just anything.

It might be easy for you all to tell me to shut up and just let you all be but its frustrating to see everyone thinking they know shit when they actually dont know much.

You guys were never, never, never in the kpop bandwagon entirely so dont act like you know more shit than i do.