regret

if anyone could read me, inside out, notice my feelings crystal-clear, could see how im feeling right now, then yeah, i regret not going to the flea. i heavily and deeply regret. sure, i saved money from splurging on clothes but i value my time to enjoy much rather than making other people happy. they say, think of yourself before thinking of others. am i considered godly, special, one of a kind for not abiding those rules?

my cousin's getting engaged!

I had a comfortable sleep but for some reason my blanket wasnt always on me. not cool. i woke up and after washing up i straight away went to study my science and get started on math a bit. i seriously hope i can give sch a skip on monday since i've not been revising for my lit test. and my cousin's getting engaged today ;) which means today's gonna be happy day cos the engagement's gonna have FOOD.

dont play with my feelings

today was a productive day. i learnt how shitty you get to feel when someone ditches you and when someone just cancels the plans last minute. i hate today. i really do. not only do i have to miss the flea, i had to put up with a grumpy morning when i woke up from bed having to see the most annoying creatures ever in my room. i had to pretend i was okay i had to pretend i was okay i had to pretend i was okay. i cant seem to study anymore okay. i just cant. i cant seem to show everyone im alright inside. i cant seem to show myself that im worthy enough in people's eyes. i just cant seem to shine through anymore. my glory days are over. my brain's hibernating. im on the verge of collapsing. and i dont know what to do anymore. 

today's the worst. 

what the heck

thanks guys for demolishing everything and not giving any for my sis and bro to eat. we're not freaking vampires okay. we eat food. not flesh on human's blood.

devil babies

i had 11 hours of sleep.

sometimes i wonder how you'll feel if you slept at 11pm woke up at 11am and count the hours you sleep which is accumulated to 11 hours. you get a triple 11. i think thats a pretty cool feeling but it doesnt mean anything.

MY PLANS FOR TODAY?
-make notes for most of my lang subject.
-clear another topic for math
-flea

hmm i guess it doesnt really seem much but to tell the truth, this probably seems a heck of a workload for me as i would normally get the fidgets and give up sitting on the chair when only 40 minutes have passed. my mum told me studying in the morning is the best option but whats so spectacular if you just dont hav to the mood to study.

ahh, its not even 10 in the morning and im already in the annoyed mood.
i guess that long chunk of words doesnt really make sense to you guys. but it does to me. i guess thats all that matters since im the one who wrote it.

i wasnt born this way, i chose to live my own way

my previous post was pretty bleh not gonna lie. sigh. my eyes are getting pretty sore and mummy just asked me what was my agenda for tomorrow. told her i was gonna head out to shop with my sisters only, not head out for breakfast with little e and gossip girl in the morning. i dont wanna disappoint my mummy anymore i seriously dont. forget about it, im already disappointing myself. i lack discipline and i lack focus. sometimes, i just want to remain being a new born innocent baby who hasnt even experienced the greatest thing one will ever experience: LIFE. i think stress has finally hit me. dont really feel the intenstity of it yet but im already feeling the heat. and i cant seem to cool down. 

its 10.30pm. i refuse to go to bed. i dont want to rest even though my eyes are getting pretty heavy. i want to study. i want to do my homework. i want to stay up and stay with the night and bask in the non-existant moonlight of which i cant be able to see. i'll do wtv it takes to be able to stay up by myself and get some knowledge in my head. i'll do wtv it takes to get my mummy to trust me again. i'll do wtv it takes for my mummy to be proud of me all over again. i dont think i have achieved any of that this yr. 2011, so far has been spectacular for me. i just dread having this lazy attitude of mine. its tough. but im motivated that i'll survive this obstacle that just wont seem to budge any sooner. perhaps, its a blessing in disguise. perhaps, its just a consequence from all the bad bitching i did behind ppl's back. i know i did some pretty bad stuff cos i know myself best. what i need to do now is to hit the books and ace my mid yr. and prepare myself for a good foundation and hence, to a college. im no longer gonna procrastinate. i'll take some initiative and try. 

birthday buffet ;)

the girls just left my crib around 30 minutes ago after having a sushi buffet lunch at sushi tei where we ate like hyenas but weren't guilty at all cos we had so much fun! its been too long since we sat down and joked around like this ;) the sushi buffet lunch was pretty cheap, and it was super worth it. we did some cheeky stuffs and there was this girl with a pink ribbon on her head with a pink polka dot dress and stick straight hair. uh hi not cute.

i think we ate more than 30 plates of sushi? oh and not to mention, the udon was blehh. it wasnt nice. and the noodles were super fat and chewy. its nice in a way yeah if you like fat things. but me being a starch lover, i dont find the noodles much...fun? ;) and we had ice cream for desert where they get us to choose between a few flavours.

i chose brownie and i devoured it in a minute?
i call that GODLY. nah im talking about myself. not the ice cream.

hope gossip girl likes our celebration for her!!
in my opinion, i think my time spent today was worth x100000