I was genuinely afraid that I couldn't keep up with how fast everything was and how things got so different so quick. To say I was on an emotional roller coaster would be an extreme understatement because what I endured for this past year was far more treacherous and exhausting than the previous years that have passed.
Not only have I learnt (and cried) a lot academically, I have felt a lot too.
Many of my friends are very well aware that my heart is hard to break and I am FAR from an emotional wreck and miles away from turning into soft jelly (emotionally) but this year, I have understood the true meaning of genuine compassion and love. I learnt that in life we must treat others how we want them to be treated and we must do things with heart. We must have good intentions.
To be frank, I am very guilty for not being the nicest person on earth but believe me, I am trying to change.
I have hurt many people in my life. People I love and even acquaintances that have made the effort to get to know me. I tend to shun people away with how nonchalant I am towards them and even after reciprocating in a rather negative fashion, and HURTING THEM, I still don't feel guilty how I have scarred a fraction or more of their feelings. This is one thing my mum always nags at me about. She claims that i am kind-hearted. But I tend to be very bitter towards people who have done absolutely no wrong.
I felt the pain and horror of being lonely too. Excruciating. A stab in the most sensitive cell. A heartwrenching ache. I don't want anyone to feel how I felt a few months ago. Because its something that I genuinely think can make people crazy.. Can make people feel suicidal and hateful. It's a deep hole that I think not everyone can make out from alive.
Before this gets any more depressing, I will say that... Things that screw you up like these will be the reasons why you grow up and LEARN. Cliche I know!! I know how boring and predictable this sentence gets but life is like that! It screws you up and makes you have bad days and makes you cry your heart out but then it forces you to just move on because somewhere deep in the back of your freaking head will be common sense. And common sense WILL WILL WILL just tell you to suck it up and go forward because that will be the only way you will learn. Everyone will have these kind of moments. It's just at different intervals in life. The problem is everyone just seems to lose faith and aimlessly just carry on which is the wrong thing. Oh my god just don't give up! Think a little.
The current is never calm but along the way you'll collect yourself a few precious gems. GOOD friends will make you sane and stay afloat in tough weather and will make you warm and fuzzy when things get uncomfortable. I am thankful that I have friends like these. I won't mention them but I'm sure they know who they are.
2013 was one heck of a year. Difficult, emotional and bittersweet. It gave me little time to breathe but it gave me a chance to think.
It was a very impactful year. And one that I will always remember.
:-)
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