Shanghai romance

If someone asks me why my blog is boring and has a lack of photos, i seriously hope you can read my mind. Im too lazy to type out all my reasons why i dont put much photos.
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I have blogged about this. A lot.

Its so depressing. It almost feel like i have no reason to live anymore.
Appearance does matter. Ppl judge you on first impression, and when they see smtg worth pointing out, they'll do it. Badmouth about how messy your hair is, badmouth how not sexily slim you are.

Badmouth about your legs.

I suppose, that a girl's main asset, is not her boobs. But one of them, are her legs.
And if you look at me, i dont have any assets worthy enough to flaunt about cos i do not have pretty legs. Scars live on them, and they constantly build up making it look worse than how it already is.

I put lotion on them, i wear socks to sleep but its getting worse and worse.
And scars are almost permanent. And they're not like permanent markers.

Permanent markers, when gone over by a regular whiteboard marker, is removable.
But i cant remove my scars. I feel like its doubling up each week and when i see a slight improvement, there's another area repeating the whole cycle again.

Ive cried about this so many times and i dont know what im able to do.
I cant wear denim shorts anymore or wear dresses comfortably cause my legs get in the way as disturbance to the naked eye. Im only comfortable when i cover my legs with stockings or jeans. But that means, limiting the number of clothes i can wear. And thats not comforting.

I worry everytime, in my school uniform.
I worry in the bus, on my way to school sitting on the seats what ppl sitting on the opposite side think of my legs.
I worry what my friends say to their other friends.

I dreamt that one day, all these scars will be gone.
And i do believe that one day, it WILL be gone.



Just...not anytime soon )':

Last day of school

I feel rather sad, that this year passed by in a blink of an eye. I think this class, was definitely, extraordinary in many ways. And even though, the best you get out from the class are just mere followers, its more than enough to make me miss it. So, one year has almost passed.

The weather today was cold. And spring cleaning was alright.
I got a little warmth though, talking with clara and eunice.

And if you both read this, just tell yourself that life would not be life if not for a little bit of troubles. Dont hate yourself, dont tire yourself out and weigh yourself down to make others happy. Both of you are smart ladies, definitely worthy of being the cream of the crop. If you find yourself struggling or pissed off with people who has been hurting you in life, rmber that you have done your very best and most definitely comfort yourself that you're already better than them.

Occupied

So i occupied myself and answered this quiz. Which i thought was like any other quiz but slightly better cos its by a sporean! They dont dwell on your favourite things but they ask pretty random questions ever. Pretty fun.

Name: Dopester Dong Dong

Age: 15

Birthday: Everyday.

Height: My dream height? Uhm..168 

Weight: Lighter than an elephant, heavier than a feather

#1 If you were xiaxue, would you do plastic surgery?

No bby, i wont. Cos i was BORN THIS WAY BBY

#2 If you were a simpsons character, which would you be?

Hah i would be,... maggie. Cos i would like to remain a bby and remain innocent 4 LYFE

#3 You are walking along Orchard Road and a bird pooped on you, what would you do man? 

I think i'll cry man. 

#4 Are you scared of death, or growing old? 

Death. 

#5 If you had to name your baby fish and chips(true story), or babyboboots, which would u choose?

WTF

#6 Do you like kpop?

Apparently, i do. '

#7 Why do you like kpop? Its plastic surgery

I like kpop. Not the plastic surgery dumbart. 

#8 Why?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9zfDOOb-q4&feature=related

#9 In Singapore, bubble gum is banned. What are your thoughts?

Its a good idea. Ppl in singapore are irresponsible. You give them dustbins, they give you ignorance.

#10 If you had a daughter, and a son, and both of them are TWINS, what would u name them? 

If i was american i'll name them, Tiffany and Ryan. 

But im malay, so i'll name them...........ah havent thought of it yet ah 

#11 Do you think you could pull off being a monkey.

Hell yes i could.

#12 Iphone or blackberry? Or bangla phone? 

Iphone cos of twitter and apps. Blackberry cos of housings. Bangla phone cos its ancient

But..............I'll go with the iphone. 

#13 Would you rather live with pigs or eat mealworms for the rest of your life? 

Are you muslim? Why pigs?!? I'd rather choke myself and die

#14 Money or happiness?

This is not a question. I want both. 

#15 Hey you are almost done with the quiz!!!!! Almost.........

Yay

#16 Have you fallen in love?

With a popstar, why yes most certainly. 

#17 ITE or JOBLESS 4EVA

I'll get a rich hubby so,... JOBLESS EVA YA'LL

#18 Zouk awesome shit dont you think?! :D

I only party with balloons. 

#19 How was your childhood?

Incredible. 

#20 Do you love living? 

Yes, i really do :) 

Try the quiz! I accidentally closed the tab so i cant find the website ah fml. But its a pretty ok quiz ^_^

Something to share

A professor stood before his philosophy class
and had some items in front of him.
When the class began, wordlessly,
He picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar
And proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students, if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured
them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly.
The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar.
Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

'Now,' said the professor, as the laughter subsided,
'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life.
The golf balls are the important things - family,
children, health, Friends, and Favorite passions –
Things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, Your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car.

The sand is everything else --The small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' He continued,
there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
You will never have room for the things that are important to you.

So...

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.

There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal.

'Take care of the golf balls first --
The things that really matter.

Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.

The professor smiled
'I'm glad you asked'.

It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem,
There’s always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend.
-
2 thumbs up :) 

The boys

So proud of my soshi bby's. Been repeating the song for days, since its release date and time.

Too bad i do not know how to post videos here. OH WELL. 

So its the last week of school!! So stoked for holidays cause i believe i have not been going out much this year!

obsessed

Hi. There's nothing much to blog about actually.

My life is filled with silent fantasies, and am ready to shoot someone who bothers me. But i dont have a gun. And the knife is in the kitchen. How to kill, what to use to kill, what to do. I dont know man.

Too bored to even think about shit.

Will blog later alligators

Blast from the past

Sometimes, having a super long fringe is pretty good stuff.

Hollywood

I dont like hollywood.

I dont like how they rely so much on success to find their way.
I dont like how they rely on their mindset, that "sex sells"

Watching mtv now is awkward with your parents. Cause like every 7 minutes, some superstar is making his video look like porno and some rapper is talking about how they'll like to grind grind grind.

I bet you $5000.
The only meaning you get out from songs nowadays are about lust.

And lust is not about love dammit.



Nowadays. Ppl are so cheap, music is so cheap.

Cancel MTV. Thats the only way to secure the innocence of the next generation coming after us.

Fear no bitch

Late last year, everyone was cautious about falling into the illuminati trap, afraid of being led by the devil, afraid of things that seriously are super unnecessary.

One year later, its happening again. But this time, bit by bit i shall say. 

I still have ppl talking about the illuminati and how they're so scared of it. 

I am here tryin' to solve by myself on why everyone is so scared of it. I mean, if you have really strong faith, you shant be scared of this things right? And if you really believe in God, you shant worry about all this too. 

I think everyone should just chill the hell out.

PEACE! AND BELIEVE IN GOD ONLY IN GOD. 

Look further

You see a pretty girl, with a personality so difficult to stand.
You see a skinny girl, with an ugly fashion sense.
You see a skinny girl, who'se a slut.
You see a fat girl, who'se so wealthy and well-off
You see an unclassy girl, who has awesome hair.
You see an unattractive girl, who has a well-paid career.
You see a popular girl, who is not smart.
You see a really nice person, who has no confidence in himself.
You see a really tall girl, with a complexion so bad.
You see someone so stumpy, with a sense of humor so wild.

We fail to realize how fair God is.
And yet we complain we're not perfect enough.

2nd last week of school

Got back all our results!

Really really miss everyone who went germany )":

Hey

Explain clearly what life means to you. 

Explain clearly how precious life is to you. 

Explain clearly how you can make a sincere apology. 

Explain clearly to your loved ones, that life without them is nothing.

Explain clearly to yourself.

How much you'll do, to be loved all over again. 

Understood

This few days taught me so many things.

Most of them werent so fantastic to be honest. But i realized, the true meaning of being lonely. No, not lonely for complex reasons. Lonely in the most simplest definition, in the most easiest text and the most plain phrase. Being lonely was like a pain so excruciating, something so revolting i could possibly be hospitalized. Being lonely taught me that i cant feed and teach my stubborn self to be self-reliant. Being lonely taught me that despite the overflowing of tears, the emotional breakdown, the opening up, it still is definitely not enough to help me.

Despite being alone, i wake up surviving what the previous night inflicted on me and i constantly suffer from the sins that blanket over me day by day. However, the satisfaction i get from mere minutes of difficult survival was all the more comforting and could overtake any other medicine out there.

But being lonely. Is something i wouldnt pay to feel.
Being lonely, is like a death so silent no one can see.

Listen to me.

And cherish everyone in your life.

Dreamworld

Fantasy calculation

This is what i bought in my dreams: 

1) Midnight blue zara coat - $267

2) Black zara coat - $267

3) Crimson red buttoned up coat- $90

4) H&M trench coat - $59.90 

5) H&M schoolgirl coat - $69.90

6) M&S fur boots - $59.90

7) Thermal thights - $29

8) Stockings - $ 10 

9) Leopard print earmuffs - $5.90

Most expensive at the top, least expensive as you go down the list. Most prolly getting some of last 6. I hope no one gets what im getting cos im srsly going to throw my laptop in your face. Cant be getting all the wishlist items since i dont have a money tree in my balcony. 

Sux doesnt it. 

My day for now

I hav no plans today but im dying to make plans. Even if it just involves me alone.

I ask the skies silently why the rain has stopped for days. And i asked the sun to step it down a notch.

I figured, the weather must hav played a huge part in behaviour.
I want this day to be productive without putting my nose into books.

Decency

I dont want to kill you all. Sorry for my puffy face in the previous post.



Hope my best sexbomb's reading cos i suddenly miss her

And i wonder how my bestie's doing preparing for her o's.........



And my best cousin too )=

Sixth sense

Im sick of scratching myself.
I want to scratch the habit away but that just doesnt make sense.

I dont like indecisive people. I dont consider myself indecisive. Im just downright clueless.

Fickle-mindedness is just a charade we all play to make both sides happy. I hate merry making. Its fake. Cause you cant make everyone happy.

But i want to be happy. And try to stop being so invisible in peoples' eyes.
When will people start noticing me, i hav yet to find out.

This year has been the toughest.
If not for god, i might have just killed myself.

Might.

dont say goodbye

There's really nothing much to talk about nowadays. I feel like its to early to blog somehow.

I wanna talk about school. School as in school uniforms.

You guys might hav seen my tweet:
Ok i cant print screen so i'll copy paste it:

If i was a principal of a school, i'll make sure my students will have the nicest uniforms ever in singapore

Hah i was blabbering to my mum and bro about it while otw home and i srsly dont know if they know exactly what im talking about but i think one of the main causes ppl would LOVE to go to school would be because of nice uniforms.

So me being "principal":

I took everything into consideration! Like the colour, what to wear for pe( ok i lie i hav not fully thought about this yet) and whatnot. It was all made under 5 minutes so i dont know if im on the train again someday and will brainstorm about this all over again. It is never bad to be indecisive!

The colour will be BROWN.
I figured that if its red, the boys will hav to red pants and idk how that'll make them feel. Note my sense of consideration =) And i figured navy blue would be so frickin common but i srsly want it to be navy blue but idk there's so many schools at this time that sport the colour navy blue which honestly i think is so super frickin cute but nvr mind THE COLOUR WILL BE BROWN.

The formal school uniform.

The girls:
White blouse.. Ok i know the term white blouse is very vague but if you have telepathy like i do you can figure out how i want the white blouse to be. And the girls would hav to wear a cute brown ribbon on the collars of the blouse and the ribbon is not those BOW TIE RIBBON its those kind of ribbon thats like.... a bit sailor moon but a little bit less cartoon but all the more still very cute:

Actually the ribbon i had in mind was SOMEWHAT like the first picture but the 2nd picture was a really cute picture of sailor moon so i just had to choose it. Ok anw zoom in the first picture and unleash your pervert self. The ribbon is something like that but minus off the huge pearl in the centre. And the ribbon's size will be slightly minimized. I dont want ppl to look like minnie mouse. Minnie mouse is like....a rodent...so i dont want my students to look like smtg that has big teeth and like cheese. ok wtf just skip my thoughts haah

And the girls skirts would be brown in colour too but it'll be PLEATED. NOT bedok view pleated but pleated like you see in those korean shows and uhm.................sailor moon.

No high socks cos i dont want ppl to burn in the heat. 

The boys:

White shirt. Ok i dont want to say white blouse cos it sounds gay. But ya...white....top. Sleeves longer than the girls to hide all their biceps. Kay they should already hav biceps la....TRAIN FOR NS. 

They wont hav a specific ribbon like the girls. My mum was like "The boys wear bow tie ah"

And i was also thinking of a tie....... or maybe nothing on their shirt 

So boys will be boys and remain a mystery. 

Brown tapered pants for the boys. I'll help them save their money by making the pants tapered. Like chino pants. Hah so cute. 

I hav not decided the attire for PE. But i hav decided that my school's classrooms will have aircon so they can walk around in the school sweater which I HAV NOT THOUGHT ABOUT IT YET.

Hah who am i kidding. I hope someone plays the role of supplying fantastic schoolwear.
Dont count on me cos......................I'll be reading the news on tv when i grow up =)

Trick or treat bby

Its mid-october!!!

Which means....... Halloween!

My chicken wings

Let me clear one thing.

When the dinner menu or lunch menu at home is chicken, i spring a little forward back to life.
When the dinner menu or lunch menu at home is chicken, in other words, im really satisfied.

Conclusion: I love chicken.

When there's chicken at home, i ask my maid smtg before devouring into my meal.
When there's chicken at home, i make sure there are chicken wings in the dish.

Cause i only eat chicken wings.

Conclusion:  I love chicken. Wings.

One chicken has two wings. So these two wings, are ALWAYS for me.
No one dares to take my wing and no one in the house takes wings. So they're all for me.
I eat one wing for lunch, one wing for dinner. Yay. Satisfied.
So. There isnt really much chicken wings to give around or spread the love cause im greedy with my food.

And if someone takes my chicken wings (this has happened so many times), i will complain.
Complain. Whine. Whine whine whine whine.

I will be so pissed off that i would not eat any other parts of the chicken.
If the rice at home is really good, i would eat it with vegetables only. No chicken.

Conclusion: Dont be a bitch and steal my chicken wings.

I was born to eat chicken wings man. Its like....my birthmark.
You are a murderer if you take my birthmark away.

And i will shoot you and dial 999, 999 times.
You started it first. Hell no would i turn myself in for shooting you.

Who would hav thought that!

I srsly dont know what i can write about. I dont know what event was interesting that recently just happened in my life and i dont know what im going to do when the holidays come. 

I dread waking up these days knowing that im going to get back my results pretty soon. Ive put in my best effort, really but nothing can stop me thinking how terrifying my chem results would be like and for the first time ever in my life, i dont know how to do a single shit question in my chem exam. 

Like what the heck. How is that even possible. 

Chem was so my mojo when i was in secondary one all the way to secondary 3. 

Ok not so my mojo but i did pretty okay. Like, i didnt have a problem with it. I never failed it before ever since this frickin torturous year came and we had to learn about moles and calculation and im sick and tired of scientists combining math into every single shit thing they see. 

I do get that math is really important but i dont get how it can really help me in the outside world apart from securing a place in a really good jc or poly or university or work. We have to learn about moles and the molar volume, what molar concentration WHAT FRICKIN BLARDY thing i just dont frickin understand. 

Would you seriously think so much when you inhale gas? I bet you dont think when you breathe oxygen or play around with hydrogen at home man ok i mean WHO DOES THAT RIGHT NOW. I dont inhale oxygen and start mentally calculating in my head or take out my calculator calculating and asking myself "OH HOW MANY MOLES ARE THERE IN OXYGEN" 

Like flippin hell like i frickin care?

I definately underestimated my chem paper. Lets just hope my other subjects can pull me up cause im pretty sure i flunked it. 

grossed out

So my bro told me that eating sushi is really bad. 

Cause he believes that anything raw is bad enough. I did believe in that once upon a time. But a little birdie made me change to luv sushi esp sashimi. Or anything that has rice inside is frickin awsum enough yknow. 

So some dude lived his life devouring sushi. And when he died, they examined and cut his brain into half and there were maggots in it! Like frickin my goodness how is that even frickin possible. 

So i'd rather play safe now and not eat sushi. 

I'll just eat it.........once in a ........... while. 

Roles reversed

I have not spoken to my mum ever since lunch time. She looked at me when i wasnt looking at her and i looked at her when she wasnt looking at me.

I texted her saying i was sorry cause she went out to parkway.

She didnt reply. 

When i said my thoughts the 2nd time round, i know it was harsh and pretty unexpected. You kept saying i changed and you said that i had a bad heart after what u heard me say. I dont hav a bad heart mum. I hav a too big of a heart. I care about people's feelings so much to the extent that i hav my own heart being shattered inside and you never know, in fact no one knows how the broken pieces were never pieced back. Ive been so vulnerable ever since this yr started, i've been in the most tragic positions and the most heartbreaking spots. But you fail to see how much im suffering cause i myself fail to show it to you. 

It sux cause u cant feel what im feeling and you dont understand what im feeling and you dont compromise. And when dad but in, trying to settle us down, he raised his voice just a tinsy bit cos he heard u say that i hav a bad heart. Yeah im pretty sure he raised his tone because of that. I knew he was on my side and i knew my sister was on my side and i knew my bro was on my side. And then i saw you there being questioned and i told you to forget everything that i said and to not take it to heart. I told you that i'll stop it and i'll accept the fact that jason is cmg w us but im damn sure you didnt see my efforts trying to stop you from breaking down. 

But you broke down as you left the dining table and my bro went to console you while sis went to console me and my dad went out to take a puff after comforting me a while. But i didnt break down cos i felt i was responsible and at that time i finally came to feel how you felt bringing me up all these years and all the responsibility and weight you had to carry on your thin shoulders. You didnt cry when you took care of me. 

It felt like the roles were being reversed.

I was the mum and you were the 15 yr old. I didnt cry cause i didnt want to seem weak. So let me be the most comforting one that'll put my arms out to catch you when you fall in your darkest hour and let me be the one responsible for taking care of you like how you were just as responsible for taking care of me for the past 15 yrs. Let me suffer like how you suffered listening to my remarks and let me taste my own medicine. 

You can be like how i was - vulnerable ever since this year started. Let me be the responsible one.

I just hope you'll talk to me again cos i dont want to hav your heart as shattered as mine. Seeing you hurt like this because of me is heartbreaking. So when you see me avoiding you, i worry that you think im cold, am a heartless person not willing to make the situation better. But i did text you mum. and you didnt reply. 

Havent you noticed how little time i spent w you this yr? Have u actually noticed how i try to change to stop sucking so much money from you this year? Hav u actually noticed that ive already set my goals, im already trying hard to be a better person, im trying hard to be more respectful? Do you see that? 

No you dont.

You're always outside. And when you come home, you'll see me on the dining table, eat w me for a while, talk a while and go upstairs. You do make effort. But its like you're always there but i cant feel you. Ever since jason came around, he's like a son to you. And i feel abandoned. Its like im no longer the youngest daughter, im no longer the darling in your eyes. 

Ah just forget everything i said. 

I need my mum back. 

Hello Kitty

Cleared

I respect everyone's religion and race.

If i offended anyone out there in my prev post, i hope you see the sincerity in my apology.