a little bit personal, controversial too

Naseha told me that hurting yourself for a guy is just plain stupid. 

and i couldnt agree more. 

in fact i think that youths nowadays give themselves lesser time to really think about their actions that they're wanting to do next. and these actions can actually kill them and just make you feel more depressed. and cutting yourself isnt really satisfying. you're just wasting your blood, your precious blood in your body that enables you to LIVE AND BE ALIVE.

hurting your body is just indirectly saying you hav no luv for it. treat it with more respect cause if you get hurt even more physically , the thought of having a doctor save you might not always happen. so you're always not lucky to be able to depend on someone just to save your life. the only person you can depend is on seriously yourself cause its you who has all the rights to your body. and no one else should give such influence to you to do bloody things to yourself. and your body,...is not made of plastic rubber or smtg that can be manufactured. its frickin ONE OF A KIND. why you gotta be like that and do gruesome things to your very own body. cause frankly i dont think its really fair. cause your body has been with you since the day you're in your mum's womb and it has never parted from you. its like a 2 in one deal. you cant work without one another.

there are people who are disabled. who LONG to hav even just a decent body. why you gotta be like that and hurt yourself all for a guy who'se not even worth as much as you. 

dont be some surgeon who cuts skin here cuts skin there at this age pls. who knows what happen if you really really cut ureself in the worst area and in the end the only thing you're able to do is just see your blood circulation not supporting you, your difficulty to grasp for air cos your heart gets weaker and weaker by the minute. and the next thing you know, you're not part of life anymore. 

think of the consequences. its true that the line between life and death is just too slim. think. cause that is what your brain is for.

even i like my body even though my leg has at least 10 itchy scars. and in case you didnt see the word AT LEAST, i've counted for you.

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.

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18 damn scars on my leg. and dyou see me cut myself?

HELL NO.

the school blues

lol thats all i hav to say. have a great free sunday night guys. hell starts tmr!

shut up

you know those kind of moments where you just feel so down ALL OF A SUDDEN and its like you dont understand what caused you to be like that and you kind of know its not pms that's causing it but its just..someone and for some reason you just feel so beaten down and then there's like so many things bottled up in you and the only thing that can make you feel better is just sleep. but i hate sleep. sleep doesnt make me happy. in fact nothing ever has.

everyone's so frickin annoying right now its like i go to twitter and see bees just all up in my face and i want to sting them with my own power but in the end its me who get hurt cause i get stung back. its like im frickin sick right now and ppl think im faking it. its like everyone in the world just hates you and you dont know wth you did. its like when you play monopoly deal and you put the deal breaker and you're one set away from winning and the chosen player just slaps u down with a just say no card and you feel like such an idiot, you just feel like you're not frickin sane anymore and you know you're not a soreloser but the fact that you're so worked up is just that you hav already tried your best but then..your best is not frickin good enough. feeling that just burns me. it burns me down. and no one can bring me back up again cause every method is just plain useless and its like you just cant feel anything anymore except defeat and the next thing you wanna do is just go dead. yeah thats what im feeling now.

never say fml

When we were kids, the only things that we longed for were just...toys actually. we didnt really care about clothes cause it was all up to our parents to help us choose outfits for us. at least this is for me. i mean, the only thing i cared about was toys and i actually wanted to be a princess hence i participated in princess pageants, totally confident to unleash my passion for this. i wasnt insecure about myself, i didnt hate myself and in fact, ... i wasnt afraid. and now im thinking, where has this fearless girl gone to as her years just flew past without giving her any chance to plead to slow down.

yeh im so typical taylor swift. always thinking  that i would get every single thing i want and everything will be one happy ending for me and everything will be smooth sailing. and it was during these times where...everything was so easy. you didnt care much. and time passed by steadily caused everything was so happy. it was like bundles of joy every corner, every turn. and you luved everyone. and you werent fussy. you wake up in your mummy's bed and the sun was shining but it wasnt scorching hot. you'll lie nxt to ure favourite pillow and cuddle up with a bottle of milk and you see your mum near you. and then you tend to examine closer and you'll see no sign of stress in your mum's skin or soul. it was total bliss. life back then was everything except struggle. it was everything except hell.

and now its like a fake promise i tell myself everyday saying that life would be like those times. those times when i was in kindergarden. its impossible i know, to feel what we feel when we were young and totally innocent. the term fake can come in so many explanations- fake friends, fake food, fake id, fake iq, fake face. but you know whats not fake? to me, i believe life aint fake. in fact, life is the most beautiful thing that has ever been given to us. its like, the feeling of breathing is already a blessing in every single way. even though how stressful my life has become, just the thought of being able to be alive or to just breathe is mindblowing for me. its enough to make me smile. and its one huge pinkie promise i told myself that im very certain, very sure, very commited that i wont ever sell my life away. cause i am luving my 15 yrs like no other. and i wouldnt want it any other way.

battle me. my fighting spirit has always been there.

sexy poppers

Jan's sweet 16 was awesome!! watched laddaland with nas and yam and then had mad fine dinner at carousel and then proceeded back to royal scotts hotel where we'll be staying for the night. went for a midnight movie and lied to a cab driver that we were all mad smart chicks and caught tix to hangover 2. was the 2nd one to wake up in the morning and then went down the hotel to help jan carry macs breakfast back to the hotel in my frickin nightgown.. sincerely sincerely one of the best times i ever had <3
seeing these pictures makes me sad cause the holidays are ending in one more day and im not ready for school yet. i dont want to study. i think im going to just shop for a living. at least, thats smtg worth living for

bitchy

You know what.

i just really hate you. stop trying to think that you're blood related to this family just cause you've been with us for a few years. i mean yes we do treat you well but dont try to assume that you can teach me better than my mum. dont try to assume that your way of teaching me is better than my mum. it was never better. stop always thinking you're inside personal conversations, stop frickin lecturing me to hang my clothes, fold my clothes and stop throwing tantrums every single where conveying to my family that you've supposedly had "enough". dont nag at me, dont anger me and dont irritate me. but apparently you've already ticked the boxes that is more than enough to make me one pissed monster. i may be younger than you, but i hav more manners than you could ever think of. and guess what, it was my mum who taught me manners and proper etiquette. it was nvr you. so dont think you instantly changed my family to become a better family. ever since you came, the only thing that changed was our feelings for you. and im speaking this on the behalf of my siblings.

i dont like you.

Whats inside my bag

my bag was given as one of my 15th birthday presents. and its pretty much the bag that i often use to go out cause its easy matching and its fun to swing it here swing there. lol ok no i dont do that in public. but you know handbags might sometimes make you seem and feel much mature right? i dont really fancy handbags cause i want to remain the sweetest sailormoon ever hehe. but if you give me miumiu for a present, i'll use it for the rest of my life - NOT KIDDING.

Lol my photography skills...A+ ^ anw thats the bag...i've been constantly using. i do change it here and then but its my favourite bag and you can nvr go wrong with your fav bag right? ^-^

I think my bag consists all my necessary stuffs? except that im pretty sure one of my siblings stole my red umbrella from my bag cause i rmb its always with me when i go out and i always bring it without fail. and its a sexy umbrella. it'll be a great present for those ppl going on honeymoons. you can give them smtg red, like an umbrella (anything red actually) instead of the cliched lingerie that ppl always give. being a little more creative wont hurt right. and i always bring a beanie wherever i go. its great for bad hair days and when your fringe tends to get all loserised then you can just stabilise it with the beanie. and then i hav my banana boat sunblock (SPF 50 YA'LL) and then my mp3 which is pretty much the no.1 thing i need to hav and i hav an owl necklace nick gave me from his trip to...i cant rmb where haha! and im trying to figure out why i hav a protractor with me every single time. of course, without my wallet and my handphone, it wouldnt consider much of a bag anyway srsly speaking imo.

I know you all can be frickin kpo and maybe if i dont show u guys whats inside this bag you all might make up some guess that im hiding smtg naughty inside. fyi i hav no condoms under my sleeve so dont get too excited. soooo inside this etude house toiletries bag which my luvly eunice gav me from korea(!!!) is all my small little thingamajigs thats pretty essential in my life.

I always hav a spare battery with me just in case my mp3 dies on me. and yes I STILL DO rely on battery operated mp3's okay. it was like my primary 4 luv. and of course i hav a mirror which has some black and white catdog on the front of it and its been with me since primary school cause i got it from the bookshop for 70cents i think. sigh money in primary sch was so easy. all u needed was 2 bux and you're like one rich duckling.  i dont really use it that often though but it just has to be with me. 2 lip balms- one flower shaped  my dearest brenda gav to me for xmas and another lipsmacker my sis got from sydney. 2 contact lens cases on the go cause i just feel like bringing it along and of course my hand sanitiser and cheap-o comb which is still a comb. maybe i shud paint it so that i can bring some merlormoon feel to my hair. how wondrous my years will be to come.

Had only wore this dress once in my whole life. totally forgot about it being in my wardrobe. yikes

glittered blood

sooo hehehuhuhu my mum gav me this f21 voucher and he said kevin gave it to me since i liked to shop and i was mad happyyy like WOW!! not rlly worth much but its still..worth something ha ha and all hail me for gym-ing ysterday and just so you know, im nvr gonna gym again cos i think it doesnt benefit me in any way. i shud be thankful enough i hav a high metabolism rate already and cherish my "eat all i want cos i wont grow too fat" days.

My hair is sucky cos i just had a shower at the time.. ok ya thats just me giving excuses. since when has my hair never been sucky. seriously.

my gelare

hav you guys ever went inside a cinema carefully from the front and you see that the movie has ALREADY started and everyone's eyes will at one point be fixed at you? but then when you try to find your seats in the dark, relying on the lights along the staircases, and from the movie, you realised that you are in the frickin WRONG cinema and then you will immediately feel bloody embarrassed even though ppl cant really see your face, "if i feel embarrassed, its already EMBARRASSING enough" i dont think the term "embarrassed' requires such great and deep explanation. but wtv, i didnt say this whole act above ^ happened to me? ^_^

anw something borrowed was a great show and gelare with the girls was excellent. i had a huge waffle all to myself and i devoured ALMOST the whole thing in less than 5 minutes? or 5 minutes arnd there and fyi the waffle is like a whale.its huge and fat but cute. cute in a way that im attracted to eat it. and food to look good, is essential in every single WAY. and monopoly deal was shocking. jessie won. and it was her first time playing. it was....my...5th time playing and i nvr won a single match. so this does not strengthen my self esteem in any possible way, neither does it make me feel better haha

sooo me the sailor moon had to leave early to meet up with mummy, kevin, my sis and kevin's girlfriend. kevin is like my mum's closest colleague/pal i think and he has this cool L.A accent cos he lived at perth and l.a for a while so ya listening to the way he talked was coolio frappocho. went for dinner at le bistro or smtg located at haji lane a.k.a the place of shisha and i tried to shisha a bit and it was horrible but i got the hang of it BUT i didnt rlly like it....

.

.

HAHAH I BET YOU GUYS BELIEVED THAT LOSERS.. 

ok anyway dinner was hyper but disappointing but my salmon was awesome and my entre was good and the bread they served there was the best bread ever im not even exaggerating. anw they gave us this guestbook to comment and write our emails and such, and as my sis was flipping thru the pages, i saw MS FARINNA'S EMAIL AND I WAS LIKE OH HOT DAMN THIS AINT MY JAM. i was shocked like a fish gone wild. and the meal was super expensive and desert was too rich(-.-) and....kevin paid for everything.....and one meal is like..30 bux.

can i say...wow.

dont piss me off

cause if you do,

i'll blog about you, i'll tweet about you, i'll write an fb status about you, i'll bitch about you, i dont care if im being cold towards you, i'll complain about you, i'll do wtv it takes to make me feel better again. and now you just crossed the line, and im not going to do anything to make myself the same way as before. see how pathetic i can get, and see how heartless you'll be seeing me this way. you won the game that i wasnt even participating. such a sad life im having to be in the presence of you. 

pms

Hahah this just in:
wearing my new dress i bought at fep. and the petticoat inside is pretty short and so im gonna make sure im not gonna walk a lot today. its the last week of the june hols. gonna get serious and hit the books after gelare with the girls today.

dont read this if you dont care?

it gives me great pride to hav seen them at their best. but..

kpop is nothing to me anymore without them.

sexy showers

Just came back from brendo's party and i feel like i've been barbequed to the max even though i didnt bbq at all (nick and hx did) but wtv i accompanied them towards the end of the party and made them happy by singing songs together haha! the chicken was cooked but they were rather tough but somehow i found it kind of appetising. dont know whats up with my taste buds but if it looks good, just eat it right!

have not really found any great ideas to blog about since life has been pretty eventful but nothing super significant has struck my mind. and i've been running out of pictures nowadays and i'll put some webcam pics of myself right now if i could but i just had a cold awesome shower and my hair is like.....wet and noodle-y so i shall not embarrass myself cos right now i feel like a toad.

ANW HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRENDA!!! <3
a.k.a the best otp buddy e-v-e-r ;)




this was sooo long ago but this just shows we've been friends for very long!!! :D hope you had a great bdae brenda <3

shirt dress

This dress....i dont know i think it is just meant to be a shirt. but it can totally pass for a bodycon dress im pretty sure. nonetheless i think it just calls for danger since it keeps going up and up. so keep it or change it?

daddy's home

Hehe happy fathers' day daddy <3

you hav no idea how much i love you ;) i promised you i'll still be your little girl right? just wanted to tell you that, nothing's changed and that promise'll be forever valid. im still that 5 yr old girl you'll always  hold in your arms. you made everyday feel like its my own special day. but not today dad. this day is entirely for you : )

have some respect. you're old enough

My pink dot post will wait. 

its almost midnight. 9 more minutes to 19 june. no one's getting younger and everyone, even though they dont study, dont attend school or any other outdoor activity camp or whatsoever, in life day by day you'll mature. and most of the time, you wont be able to see this 1% or so "new" maturity you've gained for the day. some people say the greatest things come unseen and everyone even though they're as young as a new born baby, or as old as a dying elderly, you'll still mature. you wont get any younger. in other words, as you mature, you learn something new everyday. whether its a new skill, or just something that enhances one of your ability or just brick by brick boring information. 

i still dont understand why the youth nowadays are becoming more disrespectful towards the elderly. especially towards their own flesh and blood. i mean whats your problem. i just heard one kid that im sure is old enough to know the differences between right and wrong judging from his matured voice. i mean its obvious he has reached frickin puberty already and that he is GROWN. i cant stand guys let alone girls who talk smack about their parents, curse to their parents, are rude towards their parents and hate their parents. for you to curse your dad/mum like that is not a small thing.your parents luv you to so much that they get hurt, they sacrifice so much and most importantly they brought you into this whole world, nurturing you ever since young. even when you were inside your mum's womb, your mum suffers like krazy and when she;s in labour, giving birth to you thats the most painful thing someone will ever go through in life. and im not even exaggerating.. how precious you are to your mum...you cant even weigh. 

they say heaven is underneath your mum's foot. 

try to self reflect and be good to your parents. cause god can do anything. and by anything, i really mean anything. some things in life, you hav to take action. dont wait for a miracle to happen. take the initiative and change. and try to see how much your parents love you. its much more than you can ever expect. repay them with sole responsibility, love and care, and good-manners. successful or not, your parents would not luv you any less. they'll love you more as the days go past. 

trust me.

smtg a little personal

So i heard today's pink dot day.

My thoughts on this seems to be endless. will blog about it soon.

Hot summer

Havent been going out and meeting people my age. most of the time, im either at home just wasting the day away using the laptop, depending only on the internet to make my day somewhat at least enjoyable or i'll head out with my mum. anw the most embarrassing thing happened to me yesterday at the marmalade pantry. in case some of you dont know, its this great cupcake shop located at ion orchard and it sells srsly some of the most delectable cupcakes! met my mum at the platform and headed straight to sports school to see my sis play some tournament thing. hooray yippe yay she got 1st i think or 2nd i cant REMEMBER. and i've been having very weird dreams lately. but, they're not very happy dreams )'; kinda satisfied with myself for the past few days as i havent been crying myself to sleep anymore (':

no sigh of relief. none.

just got news that school starts on a monday. i think mondays are the worst days ever. i dont care if we can arrive to school later. i just hate the feeling of singing the school song and standing there for 3 minutes and then proceeding back to class and lessons will start all over again. its all one routine that i do not like doing esp when education nowadays is so tough. i still hav yet to see why sec 3 is one of the best years of secondary school life. i hav much faith that it'll get better towards the end of the year but im just being a sour trout right now i suppose because i just want my june hols to be longer. time's passing so fast. we'll all grow old in no time )':

garfield

and 2 days later, its maryam's 15th birthday!!!! <3 he he

Hehe dont let anything destroy your day today and enjoy it with happy tears happy tears!! we grew really close as the years flew past and hanging out with ya has been a total blast!! may your 15th be a fantastic one for a gorgeous girl like you and just to let you know, it has been such joy having you around. Luv you yam! <3

maybe its just me

i hav a drunk profile picture. wondering if i should change it to this.

ok fine i think i shud stop.....thinking so much. gotta get ready. meeting my two sexies for laddaland and then heading to carousel to meet the birthday girl for dinner ;)

15 yr old janice to 16 yr old janice

Its the princess' sweet 16 birthday today!!! <3 
he he dont know if she's reading this, but jan, you hav seriously been one of the best friends i could ever have and that it was really super blissful to hav met you! may the years blossom your impeccable beauty and your pretty character that matches it cause im pretty sure we'll be great friends for many more years ahead. hehe luv you very much <3

my 11.11 never worked

and tonight i wonder if i'll cry myself to sleep again )': i think i need counselling.

people change, music change

I think what caused kanye west to really crumble was because of taylor swift winning the music video awards with her so called "best music video ever". i mean, yeah he shouldnt hav just snatched the award from her and defend himself by saying HIS "stronger" video was much better (which i agree is ten times better) but right now i pity him cause his hip hop essence wasnt the same a few years ago.

i went to youtube to search for his past videos and songs and he really received a lot of luv. much more luv than taylor swift. all you taylor swift fans might be accusing me of having some kind of grudge against taylor swift (which i do have) but what im really trying to say here is that the meaning behind kanye west's songs hold much more life than taylor swift which only talks about her having some crush on this hot dude who already has some hot girlfriend but she claims in her own fairy dandy world that she's a better option since she suits him perfectly but what she didnt know was that he had some crush on her blah blah blah. get a grip taylor. wake up.

i like kanye west. thats why im defending him. i just miss his chart topping and realistic songs he wrote in the past. no actually, i just miss how music was like a few years ago )': society's messed up.

dont like this new me

it was a happy day yesterday since we went to playnation to celebrate amirah's birthday. i had my dose of popeyes after so long and we played the big taboo which was 2 times more fun than the normal taboo but it would hav been better if mia came and the rest stayed a bit longer.

anw i cried mysef to sleep yesterday. i was in my most deepest form of depression. i planned to shut down all form of my social networks. there was only one person i wanted to talk to. but i wont state the name here. and frankly i dont think that person would be awake at 4am in the morning )';

anyway pictures?

The birthday girl's present from me and nas <3